2009-2010 Season in Review: Part
13 of 16
Ice Dance: Part 1 of 4
Kristina Gorshkova/Vitali Butikov. Current World Ranking: #25
Compulsory Dance
Lots of young children enjoy watching Big Bird. Don't skin him to make a skirt, assholes. Bee's pretty sure she wore this exact costume for Halloween once when she was a toddler. She was a duck.
Lots of young children enjoy watching Big Bird. Don't skin him to make a skirt, assholes. Bee's pretty sure she wore this exact costume for Halloween once when she was a toddler. She was a duck.
Original Dance: Russian Waltz
We were both sort of starstruck by these costumes. They're unforgiveably hideous, but in a way that's so blatantly awful we kind of love them. "Look at those pants," Elle said in awe. "I can't believe that dude is wearing a coatdress with shiny pink harem pants. I'm so in love." We both love the boot covers, in the sense that they're so horrible that our hate cycles around to admiration. They're definitely the most ridiculous boot covers of the season.
We were both sort of starstruck by these costumes. They're unforgiveably hideous, but in a way that's so blatantly awful we kind of love them. "Look at those pants," Elle said in awe. "I can't believe that dude is wearing a coatdress with shiny pink harem pants. I'm so in love." We both love the boot covers, in the sense that they're so horrible that our hate cycles around to admiration. They're definitely the most ridiculous boot covers of the season.
Free Dance: Phantom on Ice by Robert Danova
After those two costumes, we both felt the same way about these. Sure, they're tacky, rhinestoned disasters that would have left us speechless with shock and horror in any other discipline, but this is ice dance. And the previous two costumes were awful in such creative ways. These are just generically ugly.
Kaitlyn Weaver/Andrew Poje. Current World Ranking: #14
Compulsory Dance
The thing with compulsories is that you're not actually portraying a character. The costumes don't have to go with the music. Everyone has the same music and skates the same way. So when skaters choose to wear hideous things for their compulsory dances, we're truly baffled. When the one thing you need to do is look vaguely nice, why would you break out the red netting sleeves and asymmetrical illusion mesh? We hate Poje's pants as well. Those pinstripes are a joke.
The thing with compulsories is that you're not actually portraying a character. The costumes don't have to go with the music. Everyone has the same music and skates the same way. So when skaters choose to wear hideous things for their compulsory dances, we're truly baffled. When the one thing you need to do is look vaguely nice, why would you break out the red netting sleeves and asymmetrical illusion mesh? We hate Poje's pants as well. Those pinstripes are a joke.
Original Dance: Spanish Flamenco
We don't love these costumes, but at least there is a reason for them to wear them. They are at least attempting to embrace a culture, so it's not like compulsories where they're just wearing ugly costumes for no reason.
We don't love these costumes, but at least there is a reason for them to wear them. They are at least attempting to embrace a culture, so it's not like compulsories where they're just wearing ugly costumes for no reason.
[top: Cup of China, bottom: Four Continents]
Free Dance: Phantasia by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Bee loves both of Weaver's dresses. Elle's bored by the limited number of jokes that can be made about white dresses: too bridal, made of toilet paper, blends into the ice, etc. These hit all of those but they still don't really hold her attention.
Bee loves both of Weaver's dresses. Elle's bored by the limited number of jokes that can be made about white dresses: too bridal, made of toilet paper, blends into the ice, etc. These hit all of those but they still don't really hold her attention.
Kimberly Navarro/Brent Bommentre. Current World Ranking: retired
Compulsory Dance
Navarro looks like a 5-hour energy drink. Bee thinks this dress is a perfect example of exactly why she hates ombre. Navarro's dress would so easily be classy if it were a solid color. Imagine that dress in black, with those crystals all over and the floaty skirt. It would be gorgeous. Instead, it's just awkward. Bommentre's costume also veers into the awkward. Tail coats on ice make us uncomfortable. Basically, everything we have to say is summed up in this Kiss & Cry picture:
Navarro looks like a 5-hour energy drink. Bee thinks this dress is a perfect example of exactly why she hates ombre. Navarro's dress would so easily be classy if it were a solid color. Imagine that dress in black, with those crystals all over and the floaty skirt. It would be gorgeous. Instead, it's just awkward. Bommentre's costume also veers into the awkward. Tail coats on ice make us uncomfortable. Basically, everything we have to say is summed up in this Kiss & Cry picture:
We agree, Kimberly. We agree.
Original Dance: Brazilian-Afroshay: Quero Voltar Pra Angola by Alex Shaw
What the fuck culture is this folk dance from? The Na'vi?
What the fuck culture is this folk dance from? The Na'vi?
Free Dance: One by U2 and Mary J. Blige
Navarro looks like someone ripped a strip out of her costume. Bommentre's costume looks like something Evan Lysacek would wear if he loved rhinestones instead of feathers.
Huang Xintong/Zheng Xun. Current World Ranking: #19
Compulsory Dance
We aren't a big fan of this shade of red. Meanwhile, Elle is very concerned with Zheng's shirt. Are the ruffles diagonal? Is he wearing it crookedly? These are questions we must know the answer to.
We aren't a big fan of this shade of red. Meanwhile, Elle is very concerned with Zheng's shirt. Are the ruffles diagonal? Is he wearing it crookedly? These are questions we must know the answer to.
Original Dance: Zorba the Greek
Original Dance is sort of hilarious to us. Every pair of skaters managed to come up with something we just had no idea how to write about. There's really nothing to say about this, other than the illusion mesh really shouldn't be that baggy, for full effect. Honestly, what do we say? Can you imagine a dude in singles or pairs wearing this? No. No, you can't. Stop trying.
Free Dance: Adagio by Tomaso Albinoni
This is awful. Zheng's pants are too tight and his sleeves are horrible. Who matches white with sherbet orange and slate gray? As you may or may not know by now, we constantly disagree on dip-dyeing/ombre/gradient effects. Bee always hates it and Elle goes back and forth. After seeing these costumes, Elle thinks the effect might be ruined for her forever. They're that bad.
Madison Hubbell/Keiffer Hubbell. Current World Ranking: #16
Compulsory Dance
We're so used to looking at skating costumes that we both referred to these as "nice and classy." Of course, Bee had to ruin it by pointing out that Madison Hubbell's dress was essentially just black mesh and pasties. Either way, we still think they look nice. Keiffer Hubbell has something tailored and flattering and Madison has a dress still says classy to us, even with the mesh.
Original Dance: Ukrainian Folk Dance: Bukovinski Dance / Ukrainian Folk Dance: Dibro Vchanka by Suzirya Ensemble
Unfortunately, this was just not as bad as the all of the other original dance costumes. B- for effort. Next time, we hope to see something more hideous.
Free Dance: American Woman by various composers / Can't Get You Off My Mind by Lenny Kravitz / Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz
We like these costumes because they are simple and basic, but flattering. With that said, these sort of look like boring pairs costumes.
[Photo Credits: Gorshkova/Butikov CD, FD2, OD1&2; Huang/Zheng CD1, FD, OD1; Navarro/Bommentre CD1&2, Misc.; Weaver/Poje FD2: Getty. Gorshkova/Butikov FD1; Huang/Zheng CD2, OD2; Hubbell/Hubbell OD; Navarro/Bommentre FD1&2, OD1; Weaver/Poje CD, OD, FD1: Reuters. Hubbell/Hubbell CD, FD; Navarro/Bommentre OD2; Weaver/Poje CD2: AP]
This is awful. Zheng's pants are too tight and his sleeves are horrible. Who matches white with sherbet orange and slate gray? As you may or may not know by now, we constantly disagree on dip-dyeing/ombre/gradient effects. Bee always hates it and Elle goes back and forth. After seeing these costumes, Elle thinks the effect might be ruined for her forever. They're that bad.
Madison Hubbell/Keiffer Hubbell. Current World Ranking: #16
We're so used to looking at skating costumes that we both referred to these as "nice and classy." Of course, Bee had to ruin it by pointing out that Madison Hubbell's dress was essentially just black mesh and pasties. Either way, we still think they look nice. Keiffer Hubbell has something tailored and flattering and Madison has a dress still says classy to us, even with the mesh.
Unfortunately, this was just not as bad as the all of the other original dance costumes. B- for effort. Next time, we hope to see something more hideous.
We like these costumes because they are simple and basic, but flattering. With that said, these sort of look like boring pairs costumes.
[Photo Credits: Gorshkova/Butikov CD, FD2, OD1&2; Huang/Zheng CD1, FD, OD1; Navarro/Bommentre CD1&2, Misc.; Weaver/Poje FD2: Getty. Gorshkova/Butikov FD1; Huang/Zheng CD2, OD2; Hubbell/Hubbell OD; Navarro/Bommentre FD1&2, OD1; Weaver/Poje CD, OD, FD1: Reuters. Hubbell/Hubbell CD, FD; Navarro/Bommentre OD2; Weaver/Poje CD2: AP]
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