Ladies: Part 1 of 4
Ksenia Makarova. Current World Ranking: #19
Ksenia Makarova impressed us so much with her skating this season that she has officially earned herself a spot in our top five current ladies skaters. Unfortunately for her, being our favorite does not give you a free pass to wear ugly shit. (Unless you're Lambiel.) Makarova usually looks stunning in rich colors like this, but the pink and purple together is not working.
Free Skate: 13th Warrior (soundtrack) by Jerry Goldblum
Uh, so, apparently it's now alright to wear basically the same thing for both of your programs. Bee thinks this costume is so much better than Makarova's short program costume, but Elle is unconvinced. Bee also really likes the applique decoration over her left breast. Although this look was as prevalent as ever this season,Ksenia's take on it was her favorite. Also, we both really like the bluer-purple on her. It suits her very well.
Ashley Wagner. Current World Ranking: #17
Short Program: Once Upon a Time in America by Ennio Morricone
Elle saw one photo of this (the top one, for the record) and declared that she loved it so much she didn't even need to see any more. Bee gently advised her to look at some more photos. After doing so, Elle had to admit Bee was right. This dress is a beautiful color and cut, and it would be a home run except for the small insignificant detail of the giant snowflake spider of rhinestones eating her entire left side. It's ugly and distracting, and Elle hates the way the sparkles trail down her arm. Plus, sparkly snowflakes wrapping around the side? Oh honey, don't take design tips from Stéphane Lambiel circa 2006. That's just good advice for everyone.
Free Skate: Polovetsian Dances by Alexander Borodin
We wish we could like this. Ashley Wagner is young and cute, and should be able to pull off a pink and purple dress with flowers. But that triangle cut-out is just too much. Bee thinks it makes her look like she has no bellybutton and Elle thinks it makes the top of her dress look like a special occasions bra. Without the cut-out, this would be adorable.
Cynthia Phaneuf. Current World Ranking: #15
Short Program: Nocturne by Claude Debussy
We both hate the cut of this costume. Elle hates that stomach part of this costume so much and Bee is inclined to agree. On the beading, however, our opinions differ. Bee really likes the paisleys, perhaps because she was exposed to too many vintage men's ties as a child. She loves the blue-toned beads. Elle pretty much wants to disown Bee now.
Free Skate: Mission Cleopatra from Asterix and Obelix (soundtrack) by Philippe Chany
This costume looks like a Halloween costume and not in a good way. The green satin is awful and looks really cheap. With the amount of money Phaneuf likely spent on this costume, cheap should not be a word ever used to describe it. Also, it looks like she has a lattice fence wrapped around her midsection. Bee thinks the worst thing about this costume is the giant gold stones glued on it. Elle thinks it's her center-parted hair.
Yukari Nakano. Current World Ranking: #28
Short Program: Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber
When Bee saw this costume, she asked Elle, "What are those black and white cookies called? The ones that are black and white, but aren't Oreos." "They're called black and white cookies," Elle replied. Clearly Bee had still not recovered from her head injury. Either way, Bee thinks that's what Nakano looks like. Elle really, really hates the gloves. (At the point, we don't even need to mention that Bee hates them, since she hates pretty much all gloves.) However, this is the part of our review in which we take a break from criticizing so we can give Nakano an award for Most Risky Use (Or Lack-Thereof) of Illusion Mesh. Check out her back. There is not a piece of dyed-to-match spandex in sight. If we met Nakano on the street, we'd high five her for that if nothing else.
Free Skate: Firebird by Igor Stravinski
So Nakano skated her short program to Phantom of the Opera and her long program to Firebird. What, was Carmen not good enough for her? Music choices aside, we have finally found the outfit that disproves our belief that women's costumes are more tolerable than men's, even when they're bad. Elle tentatively wants to give Nakano props for risking her presentation scores by wearing pants, but Bee refuses to give this costume any props whatsoever.
Alissa Czisny. Current World Ranking: #16
[Top and middle: Cup of Russia, bottom: U.S. Championships]
Short Program: Diego's Goodbye from "Mask of Zorro" / A Proposal with Pearls from "Legend of Zorro" / Mask of Zorro (main title) by James Horner
Fumie Suguri. Current World Ranking: #25
Short Program: Orchestral Suite No. 3 "Air" / Toccata and Fugue by Johann Sebastian Bach
Elle wanted to hate this, but her twelve-year-old self wouldn't let her. This is something she would have happily worn in middle school, probably with matching blue and yellow flip-flops. Bee openly hates it, particularly the sleeves extending into blue gloves. Seriously, what is that? We're not sure what story Suguri was trying to portray here, but we're guessing it's a re-telling of Finding Nemo with her as Dory.
First of all, we apologize to Alissa Czisny for the pictures in this post. It was really difficult to find good pictures of her costumes, and in order to do it we had to sacrifice the idea of finding flattering pictures of her face. She's really pretty, and everyone looks ridiculous while skating anyway. Anyway, Czisny changed her costume between Cup of Russia and Nationals. Bee thinks she shouldn't have changed it, Elle thinks she made the right choice. We don't particularly like either. Elle hated the sleeves and the proportions of the original costume, and Bee hated the open back. Bee hates the lacing of the Nationals version, Elle thinks it's a little Esmerelda.
Free Skate: Excerpts from Dr. Zhivago (soundtrack) / Dr. Zhivago Suite / Lara's Theme from Dr. Zhivago by Maurice Jarre
This is one of the only costumes where we have nothing to complain about. We love it. We love the gray/purple combination and the one shoulder strap. Bee wants to wear it, and we very rarely think that about skating costumes. It reminds Elle of the dress Kate Winslet wore to the Oscars in 2009, but she loved that too, so it's a plus.
We love this color on Suguri. We also like the dress itself, although in close-ups Elle thinks the details look kind of cheap, like she took a nice dress and hot-glued on some sequined fabric and ribbon from Michaels. The headband is a little too much for us. You're not Mischa Barton, Suguri.
[Photo Credits: Wagner SP1, Czisny SP2, SP3&FS2, Suguri FS2: Reuters. Makarova SP&FS, Wagner SP32, FS1&FS2, Suguri SP&FS1, Phaneuf SP1, SP2&FS, Nakano SP1&FS: Getty. Czisny SP1&FS1: AP.]
Cynthia Phaneuf's paisley monstrosity looks like the female counterpart to Joubert's god-awful Festa finale costume. And we all know that Joubert wears some pretty questionable things, so you really don't want your costume to be the female version of something he's worn.
ReplyDelete